You are not alone…
Or why it is important never to suffer in silence.
A couple of days ago, a fellow author on my friends list attempted to commit suicide.
They posted a status saying they had had enough, then a day later a selfie of themself in the hospital with a comment along the lines of, “maybe next time…”
For obvious reasons, obviously I’m not going to name and shame said author (though some of you reading this will no doubt know exactly who I’m talking about), but this is an author who, to all extents and purposes, seems on the surface to have a highly successful career. Their books are always getting talked about and recommended in a lot of the various FB groups I’m in (a lot more than mine ever are), and are almost always getting rave reviews (again, much more than me), but it just goes to show you never know what another person is going through, or what they’re feeling underneath, or what else they’re dealing with in their personal lives - be it internally or externally.
According to The Samaritans website, 5656 suicides were registered in 2023. This is 372 more than in 2022.
The overall suicide rate was 11.2 per 100,000, which is an increase on the previous year.
The male suicide rate was 17.1 per 100,000, compared to a female suicide rate of 5.6 per 100,000.
Males aged 45-49 years were found to have the highest suicide rate (25.3 per 100,000).
According to another website I found almost 800,000 people die due to suicide every year, nearly twice the number who die by homicide and for every death by suicide, there are approximately 20 suicide attempts made.
In the UK, Suicide is the single largest cause of death for men under the age of 50, and in England and Wales, men die by suicide at a rate 3 times more often women, with nearly 12 men losing their lives to suicide every day.
It’s a scary set of statistics…
I’ve just finished watching Big Boys on Channel 4 - an often very dark, semi-autobiographical comedy series about two friends’ experiences going through Uni, one straight, one gay - and one of the things they touch about in that is how one of the characters in that suffers from depression, to the point where everything eventually becomes too much. In a very poignant scene in the last ever episode, the now adult writer of the series meets up years later with one of the characters in the show. “I didn’t make it did I?” Asks the character. To which the writer replies, “no, but perhaps I can now write you a much happier ending,” which he then subsequently does - something, of course, he cannot do in real life, having lost his friend due to not realising at the time just how desperately he needed help.
I have seen the effects of suicide on those left behind during the course of my life. I had an uncle who locked himself in his garage and took his own life, and I have another friend who lost her own troubled son to suicide and who has never, to this day, ever gotten over it - as of course you wouldn’t.
Which is why I wanted to write this post.
You are never alone. Even in your darkest hour, please, please, please consider those that you are about to leave behind. There are always, always, always people you can turn to, people you can talk to. You may feel that life is shitty, and you no longer want to carry on - but as shitty and as crappy as your life might be, there is always someone whose life will be made even more shitty and crappy by you not being in it.
As men we are always being told to bottle up our emotions; to hide them and not reveal them; to ‘man up’ as the expression goes, but that is bullshit.
If you’re feeling depressed, or at your lowest ebb, please talk to someone.
There are disgustingly long waiting times to see anyone about your mental health, but in the meantime, try talking to someone; telling them how you’re feeling, you may not think they will understand, but I’m pretty sure that they would rather you talk to them than have to face the alternative.
A life without you in it.
You ARE important.
You DO have value.
Next time you feel like you can’t take any more, please read those words and repeat them.
Because know this - I may not know you reading this, but a world without you in it to someone, is a world not worth living. There is already enough tragedy in this world, please don’t be the reason to help create even more.
Here are some helplines to call if you ever feel you are at your lowest ebb:
You Are Not Alone (YANA): 0300 323 0400
The Samaritans: call 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258
Campaign against living miserably (CALM): 0800 58 58 58
Prevention against young suicide (PAPYRUS): 0800 068 41 41
S.O.S - Silence of suicide: 0808 115 1505
And remember - even though things may seem dark right now, you never know what might lay around the corner and if you die today, then you will never know the hope that might have been. It is always darkest before the dawn, and tomorrow is always another day, a better day.
Before you do something you regret, just give it one more day - then one more day after that, then maybe just one more day. Because if you just keep on giving it one more day, I guarantee eventually you WILL get through this, and you WILL find a reason to carry on - you just have to be a little patient is all.
I promise.
Thanks for reading.